It’s My Silence You Detest: Reflections on Envy

Friends,

I’m sitting in my office listening to an old Delirious song called “I’m not ashamed of the Gospel.” It’s probably not ironic that I am listening to this song considering the subject matter I wish to broach and yet I didn’t plan it this way either. What I mean is, it didn’t just happen to start playing even if I had no particular awareness that it was the song that would be playing at this particular moment in time. It’s an old song, a very good song in my opinion, but probably not one that most people are listening to in their offices right now. Be that as it may, it is playing right now and I am not ashamed to admit that I am enjoying this song, at this moment, as I write this post.

I was brutally awakened the other day to the significant fact that I have been out of high school 20 years this year. 20 years! To some of you that probably seems like small change, but I’m not writing this to get into a spitting contest with anyone. I was ‘visiting’ with some school chums at my ‘myspace’ page the other day when I received a note back from one of them who said to me, “Did you hear about so-and-so dying?” A further inquiry revealed that this young man I had gone to school with 20 years ago had, in fact, committed suicide. Turns out he was 38, had an 8 year old daughter, and I guess a business that wasn’t doing particularly well. (I have sparse details and some of these could be slightly inaccurate, but that is beside the point. All of us most likely know someone who has ended up this way, left someone behind, died at their own hand; stopped believing life worth living in spite of life’s troubles.)

I’m not going to splatter the details of what I know about this man all over the web. I knew him from high school and aside from that I had no knowledge of him whatsoever. We played on the Freshman basketball team together and shared the same high school halls and the same hometown for four years. I know about him. He had a nice blue truck with a loud stereo. He was popular among our peers. And, I confess, I was a bit jealous of his good looks, his impeccable wardrobe, and the way the girls fawned over him. I suppose he was a nice enough chap, but the truth is that he always intimidated me and I was, confession time, afraid of him.

There’s no point in me speculating about the manner of his death or the reasons that precipitated it or served as a catalyst. All I know is that if the story I heard is true, then he is gone. Dead. 38 years and a lifetime ahead of him. Now nothing. And that causes me great sadness, indeed, it tears me up; breaks my heart.

When I first heard about his demise, I got to thinking: I never spoke two words to him. Seriously–I cannot recall a single conversation that I ever had with this man and I am not one for forgetting. How does one go through 4 years of life (perhaps 7 if you count junior high) and never talk to a person even once? Never once! I always thought that he thought I was not worth his time, but I never asked him either. I have no idea what he thought about anything, not that it would have mattered much then or now, because I never asked. The point is that I never spoke to him, either from fear, apprehension, intimidation, or simple refusal. I only had a 100 or so people in my graduating class so it’s not like it would have been difficult to do so.

Whatever the cause, the effect was always the same: Silence.

Instead, I was enamored by someone who was full of all that I desired: Popularity, good looks, wealth, friends, girls, possessions. I think it was safer for me to sit back and admire him from a distance so that I could envy him. It was easier for me to envy from a distance than to risk rejection up close. I know, it’s hard to figure those things out when you’re in high school and I am not likely to sit around beating myself up over this matter. Still, as I look back and reflect on those moments, I wonder if even now I treat people like that: Being so enamored with their being that I admire or envy them from a distance instead of getting up close, risking rejection, risking humiliation; putting fear aside and stepping out on faith? In a sense, it is a form of arrogance, isn’t it? I spent all those years thinking he was better than me, but in reality, it was I who thought I was better than him. Thus, I never took a single step at all in his direction preferring distance, safety, and the comfort of my own opinions and ideas than simply approaching someone with an offer of friendship.

It’s like us to be this way. We just think that ‘oh, so-and-so won’t want anything to do with me.’ And it may turn out to be so, but how do we ever know if we never take the chance? Why do we let ourselves convince ourselves what others think or believe or feel without asking them first? Well, for one thing, it is safer. It is much safer to simply ignore people we have already formed any opinion about. It’s much easier to simply let their lives be their judgment and God’s and ours. And I wonder how many people each day die at their own hand because we have already formed an opinion about them and judge them with our silence?

Bill Hybels wrote a little book called Just Walk Across the Room. He wrote this:

Whether the experience was about my own need to reflect on a powerful conversion experience or whether it was all about taking a walk across a marina parking lot and offering hope to someone down on his luck, I don’t know. But one thing I’ve learned is that life’s greatest moments evolve from simple acts of cooperation with God’s mysterious promptings–nudges that always lean toward finding what’s been lost and freeing what’s been enslaved. (16) 

I think if the Lord had a word of judgment for the church it might go something like this: You sing my songs, you preach my Gospel, you give my tithes, you are pro-life, pro-truth and contend for it,  and so much more…and yet… and yet…it’s your silence I detest.

Father, have mercy on us silent ones. We love your grace and delight in your salvation, but we know better. Forgive me Lord for knowing this man for the better part of 25 years and never speaking a word to him. Forgive me for envying him. Forgive my arrogance. Lord help us to realize that other people are not on this planet to be objects of worship or envy. Remind me Lord that the hurting people around us belong to you and that you have asked us to speak–to give freely what has been given freely. Lord, you know the secret prayer of my heart just now. Perhaps in Your providence, you will answer my prayer. Have mercy on us all.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Devastation of Sin

My family and I just got back from our spring break vacation. We traveled to see my parents and my childhood home. I certainly enjoyed the trip and especially had a great time showing my kids where daddy hung out when he was a kid. The time spent with family was great but as I returned home my heart was overwhelmed by the effects that sin have had on so many I have loved and known over the years. Here is just a sampling.

While speaking to my Aunt I asked her about her five children. Growing up I had spent time with her kids. It was hard to hear the stories of my cousins lives. 4 of the 5 have had multiple marriages. Several were facing the pains of child support and separation from their children. As I began to make contact with my friends who I had grown up with I found that each one of them also had their sad stories. Many of them had failed relationships as well as problems with drugs and alcohol. Yet the hardest and maybe most difficult thing to bear was yet to come.

Before I left I was compelled to speak with my step-father one more time about Jesus. In years past I have shared about how much Jesus loved him and had a plan for his life. Always I have been met with rejection. But I decided to try again. The result was like all the other talks. I would start talking about Jesus and he would try to change the discussion. He did say that he hopes we all get to heaven. In which I responded “there is a way that we can know”. Even my daughter chimed in by saying, “grandpa I want to see you in heaven” Yet this was not enough to break through the pride that has built up over the years. It is hard to think that he is going to miss out on eternity because of a prideful heart.

I now know why God hates sin. It is so devastating. It destroys lives. It not only blinds people to the truth but ultimately will send a person to hell. I certainly do not want to end talking about everyone’s struggle with sin and forget my own. As a believer I am amazed at how much I allow sin to work in my life. I do not have to look far to see that sin is still a constant battle in my life. Yes I know Jesus has saved me from my sin but sometimes I cannot believe how often I sin. The things I allow to enter my thought life are many times downright wicked. Yes I hate sin because it distorts the life God has intended for me.

I do not want to end on a sad note. I have seen the effects of sin in others as well as myself. But I am reminded about God’s redeeming power In my brokenness Jesus has saved me from my sin of the past as well as all future sins. Praise be to His name. I am hopeful that my parents will one day claim Jesus as savior. I am hopeful that my other families and friends who have been devastated by sin will also turn to the great healer of their souls. I know my own struggle with sin has been defeated. And for that I give praise to God. Yes God is to be praised. Sin is devastating But God is Good!!!

Love Your Neighbor as Yourself

I have just returned back from Liberia, Africa. It has been a wonderful trip to see how God is moving in other places around the World. Liberia is a country that has recently come through a 14 year civil war. It is true “war is hell”. This is the case for the country of Liberia. This country rich in natural resources has been knocked into the stone ages. 85% of the people are unemployed. The average salary for a year is $450 dollars. Not much for any place in the World. But Liberia’s true poverty goes a lot deeper. It is nation that is not only in desperate need of God but it is in desperate need of seeing God. It is hard to see God when you physically are starving. I guess this is where I come into the story.

I have been to Liberia on 3 previous trips. On two of these trips I had the opportunity to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. I enjoy sharing Christ with people. I am a firm believer that there is no hope outside of Jesus Christ. Yet this last time to Liberia God seem to impress on me not a new message but a more complete message. On my airplane ride home(plenty of time to think on a long flight) God seem to overwhelm me with this key thought. Basically this thought evolved from some things I really enjoy. I enjoy clean drinking water. I also enjoy going to church and not getting rained on. I enjoy the opportunity of working hard and earning a income to take care of my family. And now this is where God comes in. I heard his voice. It was not audible. But it was certainly clear. “David” he said, “You enjoy these basics of life, don’t you think that others especially in Liberia would enjoy these as well?” That’s when it hit me. God said to love my neighbor as myself. I enjoy the basics of life. If I enjoy these things why would I not seek to do what I could to help those who did not have access to these things enjoy them as well. If I truly love my neighbor I would seek to take care of Him.

This may not be a huge revelation to you. It certainly is not new to anyone but God certainly reminded me that He put me on this earth to love others not only with words but to take care of them physically as well. And so here is my dilemma. I have come home and am back to drinking my filtered water and worshipping in my climate controlled church and eating foods that do not make me sick while thousands of miles away my brothers in Christ are struggling to find these things that I take for granted. And so I am burdened, maybe even passioned about seeking to find away to do something about this matter. Since I have come home I have shared with my church that I want us to go back next February and build a church building that does not have a leaky roof. I also want us to bring over a water system that will clean their contaminated water. I want to simply love them in the name of Jesus. The project is huge. It is of goliath proportions. The building itself may cost over $60,000 US dollars. The water system is several thousand. Some may say just do a little at a time. But why is it that we here in the states have to have our satisfaction taken care instantly while others wait. By the way this is not an indictment on our culture as much as it is a reason to be more passioned to somehow help the church in Liberia sooner than later.

I do not know where God is going to lead me or my team going to Africa next year. I do not know where resources will come from. But I do know that our Father has all the resources he needs to take care of his people. So I guess I am simply asking you to pray for the work in Liberia. Pray for me that I will know how to go about putting together a project such as the one i have mentioned. Pray that God will send people my way or resources my way so that we can love our neighbor as much as we love ourselves.

Thanks for hearing me. God is so good. If you want to know how you can be a part of what God is doing in Liberia please let me know there is so much work to be done. God is good!